i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
