So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
