Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
is that a dick in a sweater?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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