So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
