Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
