its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
