Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
