Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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