Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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