Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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