im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
