And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
