Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
