she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
