Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i wish my penis had a tongue
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
