My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
