How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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