The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.