I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
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I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
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Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.