My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
I have a yeast infection.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia