I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
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God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
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Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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