We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
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When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
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HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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