i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
