I was born with a shot glass in my hand
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just took my morning after pill in the library
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Let's paint friendship bongs
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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