he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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