She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Let's paint friendship bongs
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
