i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
