i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
