There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize
