I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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