you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
