he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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