she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
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