I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
