If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
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