I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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