i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.