I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.