my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?