he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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