can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
