I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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