he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
