3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
