i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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