every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
