it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just google imaged poop.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
