i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
