Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
