Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
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Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
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Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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