After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
