You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
