Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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