So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just had sex on a roof
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
