i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
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