im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
