Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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