When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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