just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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