i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
