I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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