Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Randomize
