Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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