what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
