I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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