I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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